Incredible- By Melissa Good
Written for Kevin Derksen
Sept.16.07
We’re diving into this incredible
And wild realm
Incredible!
Out of the whole world,
Two pieces of the puzzle go together
Frustrated!
I’ve tried to put others in that place
They weren’t meant to fit
My heart was not for them
When you take my hand
You melt my insides
Your arms securely around me
I’m yours
It’s incredible to love someone,
To be with you is pure joy
I want to smile and cry at the same time
I can’t believe this is happening to me
I’ll wake up, just wait and see
Are we both full of such feelings of inadequacy?
I can’t look at your eyes
For fear that mine will betray me
I may linger and never move
As I admire that ‘mystical’ blue
What if I said, “I love you”
Do you love me too?
How do we know if it’s really true
I trust you, respect you, support, adore,
I’d give my life for you.
Incredible that God has given you to me
So many things I have yet to learn and see
God show us what love is, how to love purely,
A love that protects, trusts, perseveres and never fails.
Sunday, February 10, 2008
Sept.22.07
Same old struggle
Same old crap
Some days it’s better
Some days it’s nothing
Some days it’s all that I can think of and it tears me apart
Say you’ll set me free
Someone help me, this is beyond what I can bear
Say that I am not alone and one day I will overcome
She’s thinking…
I’m no good
I’m a failure
I’m worthless
I’m hurting
I’m not sure I want to be around some days
Say you’ll set me free
Same old crap
Some days it’s better
Some days it’s nothing
Some days it’s all that I can think of and it tears me apart
Say you’ll set me free
Someone help me, this is beyond what I can bear
Say that I am not alone and one day I will overcome
She’s thinking…
I’m no good
I’m a failure
I’m worthless
I’m hurting
I’m not sure I want to be around some days
Say you’ll set me free
brutal honesty from when I was hospitalized
Oct. 23.07
Hey God,
So here I am sitting on my bed in the hospital after 24 hours in emergency. I have no idea what we’re doing God but its hard. Not trying to complain ‘cause you have gifted me with amazing people in my life to support me through all this…but I wish I was better at not knowing what you were up and to and being ok with it.
Forgive me Father since my small little mind cannot contain everything that has occurred in the past 2 weeks health wise. Should I quit school? Should I not work? How can I not work? Am I in the right program? Do you want me to just take longer?
SO! SO! Confused!I just want to scream, get me out of this hole.
I want to get outside where I can breathe again. I feel like I’m being squished and swallowed. Like I have no control over what happens to me and that scares the crap out of me. I know I’m fighting you and I have no idea why. You are blessing me with so many good things…and yet something is off with me and I know it. But I don’t know what that actually is.
HELP ME TO GIVE UP CONTROL.
Didn’t think I needed to but apparently I do, and it’s HARD.
Give up my plans, my health, even my life.
God I feel so alone, and absolutely freaked out to be so alone. Not so much the place that bothers me but more so that I feel like I don’t have you near, instead something else is there and that something is very wrong.
Father I need you…I need you so much closer or I may as well never wake up if my days are not lived for you and by you. Why must it take crisis for me to be drawn back to you?
I want to say Father that I need you to forgive me for not treating your temple as I should. Forgive me for what happened when I was a kid…take away my guilt Father. Take it away ‘cause I can’t stand carrying its load needlessly anymore.
I just want out of here. This mess I call the monsterous side of Melissa. I want to be rid of it. Cleanse me, renew me, make me whole. I need to be made whole again.
I want to go home…not just physically.
Sometimes I just want to give up. Totally, but then I know that’s not what you want. You want me to fight. God show me that you are the one fighting, right now I just need to be still. When I get strong enough…I can be the one you may use to fight.
God fix me please. Help me! help me! help me!
I need you, help me.
Hey God,
So here I am sitting on my bed in the hospital after 24 hours in emergency. I have no idea what we’re doing God but its hard. Not trying to complain ‘cause you have gifted me with amazing people in my life to support me through all this…but I wish I was better at not knowing what you were up and to and being ok with it.
Forgive me Father since my small little mind cannot contain everything that has occurred in the past 2 weeks health wise. Should I quit school? Should I not work? How can I not work? Am I in the right program? Do you want me to just take longer?
SO! SO! Confused!I just want to scream, get me out of this hole.
I want to get outside where I can breathe again. I feel like I’m being squished and swallowed. Like I have no control over what happens to me and that scares the crap out of me. I know I’m fighting you and I have no idea why. You are blessing me with so many good things…and yet something is off with me and I know it. But I don’t know what that actually is.
HELP ME TO GIVE UP CONTROL.
Didn’t think I needed to but apparently I do, and it’s HARD.
Give up my plans, my health, even my life.
God I feel so alone, and absolutely freaked out to be so alone. Not so much the place that bothers me but more so that I feel like I don’t have you near, instead something else is there and that something is very wrong.
Father I need you…I need you so much closer or I may as well never wake up if my days are not lived for you and by you. Why must it take crisis for me to be drawn back to you?
I want to say Father that I need you to forgive me for not treating your temple as I should. Forgive me for what happened when I was a kid…take away my guilt Father. Take it away ‘cause I can’t stand carrying its load needlessly anymore.
I just want out of here. This mess I call the monsterous side of Melissa. I want to be rid of it. Cleanse me, renew me, make me whole. I need to be made whole again.
I want to go home…not just physically.
Sometimes I just want to give up. Totally, but then I know that’s not what you want. You want me to fight. God show me that you are the one fighting, right now I just need to be still. When I get strong enough…I can be the one you may use to fight.
God fix me please. Help me! help me! help me!
I need you, help me.
satisfaction
There’s a smile on my face
It’s been awhile since that’s genuinely been plastered there of my own doing
I feel so light, so in love and carefree
My God, hold me here and I will be satisfied forever
Why couldn’t I see it before
So much about you makes sense!
You are the King who’s in control of the sufferings and the blessings
You are eternal and everything you say is soaked and dripping in utter truth
Truth that gives life and revives my soul that was once so stuck…
Stuck in the sticky mess of lies and darkness, imprisoned and suffocating myself
I am revived at the very thought of you
I am filled with purposefulness because my purpose is to please you
I am in awe of you because you are so pure
I want to know what its like to be like you, to please you, know you,
be satisfied again.
Right here and now I am satisfied with you my love.
It’s been awhile since that’s genuinely been plastered there of my own doing
I feel so light, so in love and carefree
My God, hold me here and I will be satisfied forever
Why couldn’t I see it before
So much about you makes sense!
You are the King who’s in control of the sufferings and the blessings
You are eternal and everything you say is soaked and dripping in utter truth
Truth that gives life and revives my soul that was once so stuck…
Stuck in the sticky mess of lies and darkness, imprisoned and suffocating myself
I am revived at the very thought of you
I am filled with purposefulness because my purpose is to please you
I am in awe of you because you are so pure
I want to know what its like to be like you, to please you, know you,
be satisfied again.
Right here and now I am satisfied with you my love.
my wierd little mind...
The mind has such an ability to take over
Why is it that I can’t trust mine?
There are so many insecurity’s inside this girl its not even funny
I wonder why I would imagine dragging you into them
And yet that would be what the enemy wants
Wouldn’t it?
We’re better together
Two are better than one
If I struggle alone, that’s as far as I’ll ever get
You are by my side, which doesn’t make sense!
Why do you love me?
Why would you commit to me?
Why am I afraid of the thing I’ve wanted all my life?
I’m so confusing.
You know what I think…
I’m trying to handle things that are not mine
God is the one who will keep us together
I must entrust myself and all my fears over to him
I must count on him for unconditional love
To show me how to trust you respectfully, lovingly
I can’t let anyone tell me my limitations
Let’s dream bigger, beyond what this world desires!
Why is it that I can’t trust mine?
There are so many insecurity’s inside this girl its not even funny
I wonder why I would imagine dragging you into them
And yet that would be what the enemy wants
Wouldn’t it?
We’re better together
Two are better than one
If I struggle alone, that’s as far as I’ll ever get
You are by my side, which doesn’t make sense!
Why do you love me?
Why would you commit to me?
Why am I afraid of the thing I’ve wanted all my life?
I’m so confusing.
You know what I think…
I’m trying to handle things that are not mine
God is the one who will keep us together
I must entrust myself and all my fears over to him
I must count on him for unconditional love
To show me how to trust you respectfully, lovingly
I can’t let anyone tell me my limitations
Let’s dream bigger, beyond what this world desires!
God's redemptive work in my story...
I remember the days of simplicity
Days of innocence, living carefree
When we were young,You picked on me
I yelled at you ‘cuz that’s what kids do!
Those sweet days of trust were shattered
Life moved on in a whirl of busyness
We grew up
Grew in character and interests
By Grad everything changed
A new life began, each of us scattered
Through deepest valleys I’ve trudged on through
Atop of mountainous peaks, my eyes have seen you
This heart has broken a time or two,
Dry from tears fallen and caught by you
You’ve gifted me, blessed, tried and tested
In my homeland or somewhere foreign
Yet I struggle to know your purpose
My eyes are dimmed to your light
All I know is you hold me in the dark
You take my hand and lead me out of night
Days of innocence, living carefree
When we were young,You picked on me
I yelled at you ‘cuz that’s what kids do!
Those sweet days of trust were shattered
Life moved on in a whirl of busyness
We grew up
Grew in character and interests
By Grad everything changed
A new life began, each of us scattered
Through deepest valleys I’ve trudged on through
Atop of mountainous peaks, my eyes have seen you
This heart has broken a time or two,
Dry from tears fallen and caught by you
You’ve gifted me, blessed, tried and tested
In my homeland or somewhere foreign
Yet I struggle to know your purpose
My eyes are dimmed to your light
All I know is you hold me in the dark
You take my hand and lead me out of night
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