wake up to...

Wake up again the same old way.
To the rude awakening of an old alarm clock.
Bursting into my sleep and telling me its time.
Time to begin this mountainous climb.
Seems so overwhelming, so daunting, so impossible.

Who do I do this for?
Whose smiling face will warmly greet me when I FINALLY, bruised, broken and blistered...arrive at the final place to which I'd been striving.
Only YOU know what I face everyday. Every part of every day.
HOPE!
Where has it gone!?
Right now I"m trapped in these walls of this house.
Gazing out the window and only ever dreaming past my own overgrown lawn.
The darkness and heaviness of it all seems to laugh me in the face! slap me even, and I still feel the sting.

But not today. I'm telling you...I got through, but not without you.
Today I"ll wake up with hope in my heart, that the sun will grace me with its presence and melt away the hurt , pain and confusion.
Today I"ll go out knowing that with my God I can scale a wall, move a mountain, is anything too difficult for him?

I hope you know I'm doing this all for you.
Though I may be tired, weary, lose my vision and purpose.
Though it can be easier to focus on these momentary discomforts.
You've said you have been waiting for me. Your bride. Your child. Your sheep that has gone off but you rescued me.
Do I really deserve to see your loving face?
Look me in the eye and tell me is all going to be ok.
That all these things have not outstepped your protecting and powerful hands.

But when I do reach the destination I have been striving for, I know it'll all be worth it.
I can only hope you'll call me faithful and say that I did well.
You are my hope and You are enough today, tomorrow and always.

aww, my very own blog!

Well here I am. Finally conforming to the whole blog scene! Since being back at home I've decided I'm still going to write every couple of weeks as to what God is showing me, teaching me, how he's showing up in my life. What a great thing for each of us to do, brag about God in our lives!
Who knows what else may appear on this thing, oh the possibilities!
Lately I am realizing its even more important for someone like me to take some quiet time to think about life and what in the world is going on in it for me. Like there's so many broken little pieces and I feel like I should be doing something with them but what? when ? where? how? So many questions without satisfying answers.

I guess one of the biggest things that keeps smacking me in the face is to just stop myself long enough to truly enjoy a moment. Or to really think through what lesson I should be learning. Or to just try with all my might NOT to think about a million things, just be silent.

There's a song by Further Seems Forever that is so true for me right now...
' Take this heart of darkness, I give it up...and all the emptiness I refill it up. The times that I feel nothing, you bring enough. So I can live for something, lift me up. And all these bad dreams , I wake up to the light. And when I can't see, I wake up to your eyes. Wake me up. There's a light up ahead...'

Wow that just burns inside me a peace and deep love for the God who acepts a heart opposite to his own. Refill's the emptiness inside. When I feel nothing, want to be passionate or whatever, he bring's enough!
God is what I live for, that light up ahead that is soothing to a soul weary of its own darkness and despair.
He is life giving and ultimately gives me purpose as I strive towards his wonderful light.

Let us for our own good learn to slow down and work through those burning questions. Chuck those desires and plans at a Father who wants to be involved in our lives.
As I heard recently , we must stand still in order to stand out.