too much time to think

I like having time to think but waking up at 4:30 and just laying in bed thinking for hours is like torture for me.
Do you ever feel like you just don't fit anywhere?
I yet again am struggling to readjust to my home culture after an incredibly eye opening trip. A whirlwind on thoughts and emotions are swirling and I lost my journal on an airplane so now I must dump on my blog.

My Father, how sweet it is to know you
I've run away far too often, too easily
There's been many a night that I lingered in those shadows that seemed to swallow me whole
Thoughts that would not stop
Lies that take me over
I'm waiting for the power I've heard of and need desperately to know
You are the living God not some piece of something that man could make

If you are the living God then why aren't we living like we know it?
You fill us so we can overcome but we shrink back and are destroyed.

It makes me sick that I have been so blessed, so privileged, so safe and comfortable
Oh God, my heart breaks for them
Overwhelmed by the sorrow, suffering and sin that has engulfed their lives
You are gracious and compassionate, do something Father!

The human heart is so filthy and self absorbed, save us from the things that we think we need but that really only destroy us
Oh God, awaken in your people a passion for you, a hate for sin.
Anything that would directly or slowly tear us from you...
I despair at the thought of it.
I would have been swallowed by fear if you were not on my side.
If you were not there.

Show me that there is hope
Convince me of the truth
Remind me what its like to have peace
Content with myself
Perfection cannot be expected of anyone
Look forward to the future but live in the moment
Married, Kids, Missions...the 3 most important things to me that I desire.
You know my heart, its yours, help me to trust and wait.
Keep perspective
Use my ability to feel deeply for your glory, don't let me fall apart, fall away
Love deeply
Unconditionally, not something I make up but offer it to anyone and everyone
Trust completely
completely!